Positive/Negative

Friendship and Love

Relationships-Positive/Negative

• FAQs About Mixed-Status Relationships
  • Starting a Mixed-HIV-Status Relationship
  • HIV Testing for Mixed-HIV-Status Couples
  • Safer Sex and HIV Prevention
  • Disclosing HIV-Positive Status
  • Feelings of Guilt and Fear in Mixed-Status Relationships
  • Having Children in Mixed-Status Relationships
  • Caring for an HIV-Positive Partner
  • General Concerns

Negotiating Safer Sex in Mixed-Status Relationships

Together, you can work out strategies by staying away from blame, shame, anger, and guilt.

Try these strategies for negotiating safer sex:

• Listen to each other -- both partners must have a say in what activities you are going to engage in.
• Seek clarification if you don't know which behaviors are risky for transmission and which are safer.
• Become familiar with the options you have when choosing condoms or dental dams.
• Know that HIV transmission isn't the only risk: be aware of and protect each other from other illnesses and sexually transmitted infections.
• Communicate your fears -- talk about your concerns.
• Share your ideas for creative alternatives for sex play.
• Establish guidelines with each other that you can both accept. These guidelines should not only be about the protection of the HIV-negative partner; they need to include strategies for addressing desirability and gratification too.

What Is a Serodiscordant Relationship?

A serodiscordant couple is made up of one person who is HIV negative and one who is HIV positive.

More Info

HIV + Me: a comic-strip guide to living with HIV

AIDS Hotline: an on-line directory to HIV and STD services in California

STDtest.org: on-line testing, 24/7, Easy, Free, Confidential

TheBody.com: expert info on HIV, check out the Comprehensive Site Map to get you started

Emotional health.

Talk about your fears of illness and loss. Discuss the feelings you have about grief and death, and explore your ideas about "survivor guilt" (the guilt one may feel about being the HIV-negative partner). Identify areas where you feel the need for more support or information.

Sex talk.

Discuss your worries about infecting your partner or being infected by your partner. Decide together what precautions and risks you are willing to take in your sexual relationship. Talk about your likes and dislikes, and identify your concerns about body image, sexual drive and desire.

Medical treatments.

Be open about your feelings around treatment issues such as compliance, side effects, and drug trials. Get the information you need and respect the decisions that are made about what treatment options are right for the HIV-positive partner.

Caregiving.

Talk about the stress that the HIV-negative partner may feel about becoming the caregiver for the HIV-positive partner. Discuss the concerns that the HIV-positive partner may have about getting sick and needing care.

Family planning.

Make decisions about family matters together. If you want to have children, talk about the possibilities of transmission (to partner or to child). Discuss the pros and cons of options such as alternative insemination and adoption. If you already have children, discuss the potential of one partner being a single parent if serious illness or death occurs.

Future planning.

Explore any differing attitudes about financial issues. Discuss concerns about saving for the future versus desires to spend in the short term. As hard as it may be, it is important to talk about end-of-life preparation for both partners, including difficult subjects like palliative care, power of attorney, and funeral arrangement preferences.

Disclosure.

Talk about issues related to disclosing HIV status to others outside the relationship. Discuss the possibilities of not disclosing in order to protect your privacy and avoid discrimination, while examining the option of disclosure in order to gain support and reduce isolation. Keep in mind that, except for emergency situations, the HIV-positive person is ultimately the only person who can decide when, how and with whom the information is shared.